


You Know You Like It (But You're Scared of the Shame)

by iaintafraidofnoghostbear



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Begging, Bondage, Consensual Non-Consent, Crying, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Face Slapping, Kink Negotiation, Nipple Play, Other, Porn Watching, Strap-Ons, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:09:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22042948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iaintafraidofnoghostbear/pseuds/iaintafraidofnoghostbear
Summary: “Why didn’t you tell me before?” they ask finally.“I - I didn’t want you to hate me. Or like. Be afraid.”“You wanna hurt me, Teeks?”“No."
Relationships: Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick
Comments: 3
Kudos: 128





	You Know You Like It (But You're Scared of the Shame)

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to trashcoon and eyeslikeonyx for your help with this fic. <3

Travis feels like such a douche. Nolan’s watching him with their calm, steady gaze, but Travis is waiting for them to be pissed or upset or - anything, really. 

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” they ask finally. 

“I - I didn’t want you to hate me. Or like. Be afraid.” 

“You wanna hurt me, Teeks?” 

“No,” he swallows hard, dropping his gaze to his hands because they both know that’s not  _ exactly _ true. “Not if you don’t want it, too.” 

“Do you think I’m weak? Or helpless?” 

“No.” Nolan is anything but, and that’s what Travis loves about them. 

“But you want me to pretend like I am. So you can pretend to take advantage of me.” 

Travis nods, face hot. Nolan hums to themselves, tucking a lock of hair behind their ear. “If I were into it, you’d wanna do this with me?” 

“Yeah,” Travis says hoarsely. Just the thought of it makes his mouth go dry, and he has to clear his throat. 

“Let me think about it. And send me the porn you like.” Travis splutters at that, only biting his tongue when Nolan raises an eyebrow at him, reaching over to pinch his side. “You gonna tell me you don’t watch porn about it?”

“Fuck, Pats!” Travis yelps, trying to scramble backward. “I didn’t say no!” 

“Good.” Nolan goes back to filing their nails, getting the edges smooth and perfectly curved. 

Travis waits until Nolan’s out with Provy to send them all the links and putting his … collection onto a flashdrive. It’s nerve-wracking, waiting for Nolan to say something or leave or - anything, really. Nolan is the same as ever, though: bitchy when they haven’t had enough sleep or coffee, demanding cuddles from Travis when they’ve had a bad day, bringing him lunch when he’s lost track of time  _ again _ and forgot to eat. 

They’re making out on their bed on a Friday night when Nolan nudges at Travis to pull away. “Wanna watch something with me?” they pant, and Travis nods, leaning over to snag a laptop. 

He’s not expecting Nolan to pull up one of the videos he’d given them. Travis flushes hotly, embarrassment creeping up his spine even as his dick twitches in his pants. “Patty.” 

“I like this one,” Nolan mumbles, cheeks pink. Arranging themselves to Nolan is spooning up against Travis, they watch the video together. It’s one of Travis’ favorites, too, and he wonders if Nolan knows that when they ask, “Tell me what you like about it?” 

Travis swallows hard, watching the familiar scene unfold as the woman puts up a weak struggle before her hands are tied above her head and her panties are unceremoniously stripped off. “I like that I can see everything. She’s pretty, you know? And he can just . . . look and touch.” 

Nolan hums, kissing Travis’ shoulder. They’re quiet for a little while, watching as the man in the clip plays the woman’s nipples, sucking at each one before kissing his way down her stomach. Travis startles a bit when Nolan speaks again. 

“Do you like that she cries?” 

“Pats -” 

“It’s okay, Trav,” they murmur. “Do you?” 

Closing his eyes briefly, Travis nods. “She’s a pretty crier.” That gets him another kiss, and Nolan’s hand rubbing along his hip. 

“Are you hard?” 

And - yeah, Travis is. Really, really hard. He whispers out a “Yes,” shivering when Nolan cups him through his jeans. 

“Can I touch you?” 

“Yeah, Pats.” 

“Get the lube.” 

Travis has to stretch a bit to reach, hanging on to the laptop so it doesn’t hit the floor. He drips some lube onto Nolan’s fingers, sucking in a breath when Nolan slips their hand inside his boxers. Circling their fingers around Travis’ dick, Nolan keeps their strokes light and even. 

“Tell me what else.” 

“I-I like that I can see that she’s wet. Because even if she’s fighting it, she likes it.” Travis stops to breathe, watching as the screen focuses between the woman’s legs where her pussy glistens just before the man puts his mouth on her. Nolan strokes him faster while they watch as the man on screen eats her out before flipping her over. The camera circles around to her face, and Travis gasps softly when Nolan flicks over his cock just so. Nolan makes a soft, encouraging sound in his ear, and Travis finds he can’t keep the words inside. 

“I like seeing her face when he pushes inside her.” 

“Because you can see when she gives in.” It’s not a question, but Travis nods anyway. He’s panting, now, rocking forward into Nolan’s touch. “Do you see when it starts to feel good for her?” 

“Y-yeah.” He does, can see the way her expression shifts a moment before she starts to cry. A groan slips out of him when the man fists a hand in her hair, pulling her up by it so she’s practically sitting on his cock. Her mouth falls open and Travis - no matter how many times he’s seen this - can never decide where to look. There’s the twist in her face when the man starts to rub her clit, the sway of her tits, the spread of her legs and the thick cock in between. Her soft moan of protest as she gets close is enough for him. He’s shaking apart on Nolan’s fingers before she ever comes, cursing aloud when her cry echoes in his ears and sends an aftershock right down his spine. 

Gently, Nolan slips their hand out of his boxers, wiping their fingers on the sheets. “I love this part,” they whisper, and Travis blinks open eyes he doesn’t remember closing to watch. The woman is back to crying, limp in the man’s arms. He’s holding her tight, but kissing her neck as he ruts up into her. He stills, buried deep inside as he fills her. The last shot is of him pulling out, her pussy flushed so dark now from being fucked, and the drip of his come out of her before the camera cuts. 

“M’so wet, Trav,” Nolan mumbles, even as the next video loads. They hit play, but Travis rolls over to face them. Sliding his hand into their underwear, Travis bites at Nolan’s throat as he strokes their clit, using Nolan’s wetness to ease the way. Nolan drags him up into a kiss, biting his lip as they whine in their throat while they come, leaving Travis’ hand and their underwear soaked. 

Wiping his own hand clean, Travis tucks closer to Nolan, kissing them softly as they come down. Eventually, Nolan gives him a playful nip and grins when Travis pulls back to look at them. 

“So that was good.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Mm. I did some like. Reading. I’ll send you the stuff. You gotta read it, Trav, okay?” 

And Travis does. It’s hard, sometimes, sitting down to focus but he does because Nolan was so solemn about it, and they’d picked only a couple very thorough articles for him to read. It all makes sense, at least. Travis winds up doing more reading on restraints, and then more on how to do it right, the types of rope to use, knots, safety measures. Sanny gives him some odd looks for being buried in his phone, but he just rolls his eyes when Travis evades his questions. 

It’s a little nerve-wracking, ordering some soft rope and a knife to cut them with. Travis spends his downtime practicing, doing knots over and over while he watches TV. They take a night at home to talk about what they do want, what they don’t want, what they might try later if the first time goes well. Travis feels kinda dumb for picking his hometown name for his safeword, but Nolan takes it seriously. 

They have to wait until they can get away for a few days, not wanting to raise any alarms with their teammates or neighbors. Travis rents a cabin that is both secluded and spacious, with plenty of stuff for them to do outside the bedroom. It has a lot of places for things to . . . happen, even though Travis is fairly certain he wants this to go down in a bed instead of on the floor or something. 

The first night, they just relax, taking advantage of the hot tub and the huge living room with its big screen TV and comfy couch. Travis rides Nolan on it, the two of them pressed impossibly close together and breathing against each other’s mouths. Nolan looks beautiful, flushed pink and gasping as Travis moves in their lap. Their clit is so wet, still mostly hard when it slips out of Travis. He reaches to touch it, only brushing the head before Nolan is grasping his wrist. 

“I can’t, Teeks.” 

Travis shifts so their fingers slide together instead, kissing Nolan softly. It’s nice and comfortable, and leaves something warm curling in Travis’ chest when they abandon the couch for the king sized bed upstairs. 

It’s the third day when Travis makes his move. He has the rope ready, lube in his pocket, and he gives himself a pep talk in the bathroom before going in search of Nolan. It’s late, so it’s not surprising that Travis finds them changing for bed. Nolan is kicking off their jeans and panties to exchange them for the soft boyshorts they prefer to sleep in, and when they go to pull their tee shirt over their head, Travis pounces. 

The element of surprise lets him twist Nolan around enough that they fall in a heap onto the bed. He winces at the grunt Nolan makes, knowing he just knocked the air out of them, but then Nolan is fighting and Travis doesn’t have time to worry. The two of them nearly roll off the bed in the scuffle, Nolan cursing and shouting at Travis to get off them all the while. He manages to get Nolan on their back, but they lash out at him and - without thinking - he cracks them solidly across the face. 

For a moment, the room is dead silent and Travis almost apologizes, almost calls it off because - even though they’d talked about this - there are tears welling in Nolan’s eyes and their cheek is bright red, the outline of Travis’ fingers stark. His heart clenches when they speak and their voice wobbles. "Please don’t hurt me."

It takes him a moment to respond, and Nolan is starting to look worried when he shakes himself out of it. "Be good, sweetheart, and I won’t." 

He goes for the rope, then, but Nolan’s struggling again as soon as he starts looping it around their wrists. Travis slaps them again, fingers tingling and cock aching in his jeans as Nolan sobs outright. He manages to get their wrists bound together, lashing them to the headboard before sitting back to observe his work. 

There’s black mascara running down Nolan’s cheeks, which are flushed from the fight and crying and Travis's hands. Their eyes are so, so blue looking up at Travis and pleading even though the tears. 

Travis picks up more rope, leaning back to tie up one of Nolan’s ankles. They try to buck him off and kick, but all it takes is him raising his hand to make them settle. 

"Smart, baby," he murmurs, tying off the rope around Nolan’s ankle and looping it around the bedpost. "I hate to mess up that pretty face." 

"Why are you doing this?" Nolan whimpers. "Please just - let me go."

"No can do, sweetheart."

Shuffling down the bed, travis drags Nolan’s boyshorts down, leaving them dangling from their bound ankle. He grabs the other and binds it quickly, standing back to watch Nolan struggle against the ropes until they go limp, panting and worn out. 

"You are so fucking pretty. Let's see these tits, huh?" Travis moves around to the side of the bed, tugging Nolan’s bralette up despite their protests. Their nipples are a soft, light pink and he immediately starts to pinch and tug at them. "Yeah, sweet little tits. I bet you like having them played with, huh?" 

Climbing back up on the bed, Travis swings a leg over Nolan so he’s straddling them, turning his attention back to their chest. Like this, he can lean down to suck and bite at one nipple while working the other with his fingers. 

"N-no, please. Please stop. That hurts," Nolan whimpers. They yelp a little when Travis gives them a particularly sharp nip, and there's another tear trickling down their cheek when he looks up. 

"What's the matter babe? Not doing it for you?" 

Nolan shakes their head vigorously, but Travis twists around, brushing his fingers over Nolan’s clit. 

"You say no, but you're so wet baby. Look," he tells them, showing off the shine of their wetness on his fingers. 

"I don't want this, please." It comes out a whisper that turns into a soft sob when Travis reaches out to swipe his sticky fingers over Nolan's bottom lip. 

"Don't be shy, babe. It's okay. Look how hard you've gotten me, yeah? We're gonna have a real good time." Travis palms the bulge in his jeans, grinding forward into his own touch and groaning softly. "All you have to do is lay there and look pretty. I can do the rest." 

Travis repositions himself so he's between Nolan's legs, giving their thighs a quick slap when they almost knee him in the side trying to close them. Quickly, he unzips and tugs his jeans down enough to let the cock between his thighs spring out, bobbing thick and heavy in front of him. He shoves the head between Nolan's legs, right up against their hole, holding their hip as he nudges it forward slightly. 

"Please, no, nono, please that's gonna hurt, please no-" 

"Shh, baby. Stop your strugglin', and I won't go in like this, alright? Can you be good for me?" 

Closing their eyes, Nolan nods. They continue to cry even as they gradually go limp, but Travis doesn't mind that. He eases his cock back, digging a packet of lube out of his pocket and wetting his fingers. 

"That's good, sweetheart. I'll get you nice and warmed up." He groans when the first finger slides into Nolan easy, feeling the unwilling clench of their body. "Fuck, you're so tight, but you took that so well. Let's try another." A second is a tiny bit of a stretch, but Travis just twists his fingers, working Nolan open. They let out a cry when Travis hits their g-spot, hips bucking helplessly as he works it with his fingers until they're gasping. 

"There you are. I think you're ready now, huh?" Ignoring Nolan's protests, Travis slicks up his cock and nudges the head against Nolan's hole. 

It’s a slow but steady slide in; Travis has to pause a couple times to slap Nolan's thighs and face to stop them struggling so much, but eventually he's all the way inside and Nolan is still, crying softly. 

Travis leans forward to take one of Nolan's nipples back into his mouth, starting up a slow pace with his hips. He searches carefully for just the right angle, knowing he's found it when Nolan jerks and gasps out loud. 

"There it is," he murmurs, concentrating on keeping that angle while he explores Nolan's chest with teeth and tongue and lips. 

Nolan's beautiful beneath him, their face so red that the flush is starting to spill down their neck and onto their chest. Their nipples are swollen and pink from Travis' mouth, light bruises already forming where he'd sunk his teeth in. Their belly dips with each gasp and cry as Travis fucks them harder, faster, and their clit is swollen and so, so wet. Travis thumbs at it, grinning when Nolan moans out loud. 

"You look so good. Do you like that babe? I think you do," he murmurs. "You're gonna look so pretty coming on my dick." 

"No, I'm not - I won't -" Nolan tries to protest, but Travis gives a couple of particularly sharp thrusts that has them tossing their head back on a cry. 

"I really think you are. I bet you're even close; if I play with your clit for just a little while, that'll be all it takes, huh?" 

Travis tests his theory out, rubbing at Nolan's clit with his thumb, watching as their mouth falls open. He uses their wetness to make it nice and smooth, stroking with his palm the more worked up Nolan gets. It's a beautiful thing, seeing the moment when Nolan realizes they are going to come, face twisting in painful pleasure as their body draws up tight before they fall apart, shaking through it while Travis keeps fucking them. 

"That's it, babe. So fucking perfect; I knew you would be." Leaving off on Nolan's clit, Travis grasps their hips and focuses on his pleasure, now, using deep, fast grinds to get himself there. 

"Gonna come in you, can't wait to see how messy you are," he grunts. All Nolan does is cry softly, face turned to the side.

"Please not inside me," they whisper, but it's only a token protest and they both know it. 

Travis comes with a shudder, hips bucking wildly as he rides it out. It's so fucking good he's tempted to go again, sure he could get himself there; instead, he pulls out, reaching out to fist a hand in Nolan's hair. 

"Look babe. Look how wet we left my dick." It's shiny-slick with lube, and Nolan's belly is covered in their own come. They only glance down to take it in before closing their eyes, and Travis lays their head back down on the pillow.

Crawling off the bed, he shoves his jeans off, dropping the strap and toy on top of them to deal with later. He focuses on cutting Nolan loose, first, rubbing at their wrists and ankles where the rope has chafed slightly. He leaves the room long enough to get a warm, wet cloth, gently wiping Nolan's face before cleaning up their belly and daubing lightly at their hole. It's tender, red and a little swollen but Nolan shakes their head when Travis asks if they're hurt. 

"Words, baby," he reminds. Nolan lets out a shaky breath, opening their eyes. 

"Please, just come here?" 

Immediately, Travis drops the cloth and crawls onto the bed, reaching for the blanket they'd left shoved aside this morning to pull it over them. Nolan burrows in close, clinging and tucking their face against Travis' neck. 

They lay like that a long while, Travis nuzzling Nolan's hair and rubbing their back. Eventually, he asks again. "Nolan, babe. Did I hurt you? Was it too much?" 

"It was a lot," Nolan mumbles, sniffling a bit. "But I - I liked it. I came so hard, Trav." 

"I know you did, baby. I felt it." 

"M'sorry I'm crying." 

"Hey, no," Travis soothes. "You cry if you need to. You were so fucking gorgeous, Pats. So good for me. I'm right here, okay?" 

It's a little while longer before Nolan sighs, poking Travis in the side. "You're mean." 

He feels his face flush at the tease, remembering everything he did and said just moments ago. "Yeah, well. Had to make it realistic, didn't I?" 

"Mm. Guess so. It was good. I didn't think I'd like it that much." 

Travis kisses their temple. "I'm glad." He stretches out to grab a bottle of water from the bedside table, ignoring Nolan's protest at being jostled. "Here. You should drink this. Then if you're feeling up to it, I'll make us dinner?" 

Obediently, Nolan sits up partway, cracking open the bottle and sipping at it. They wince a little as they move, shifting so they're comfortable again. "Yeah. M'not helping, though. Sore." 

"Sure babe. We can take a hot bath after," Travis promises, waiting until Nolan's finished the water to coax them out of bed. 


End file.
